My Biggest Challenge of Motherhood

As a nurse, but most importantly, as a parent, I have never been so frustrated in my life. I have two kids with ADHD who NEED medication to be at their best for school and day to day activities. Managing their healthcare has been one of the most difficult tasks I have faced yet as their mother.  

It truly amazes me, how those responsible for managing their care, treat their condition like it’s a common cold. It has been challenging to say the least, finding a doctor who can just actually LISTEN to what I’m telling them. It’s like I’m speaking to a brick wall. Let me give you the scenario:

Over the summer, my daughter was taking Daytrana. Which worked PERFECTLY in the summer when I could give it to her mid-day.  When school started up, I noticed her becoming more oppositional, not listening, not following directions, and most importantly her grades sliding. After speaking with her teacher, speaking with her, and having a full two days to physically observe her, I realized it was no longer working (duh). Once school started, I had began putting it on at 6:30-45. Four days of the week, her day is over at 8:30pm. Sooooo, that little patch effectiveness was LOOOONG GONE. 

I get this “aha!” moment and send a message, requesting suggestions for managing her ADHD better. I learn her PNP (pediatric nurse practitioner) is away on vacation and they rerouted my messages to one of the pediatricians. She recommended 2 patches a day. After talking to my pharmacy, insurance company and my physical observations of my child, I immediately let her know. I did not agree with this for the following reasons.

1. The patch ISNT WORKING!!

2. My insurance said they won’t cover it. 🙄

3. Even if they did after going through the prior authorization process, I would have to spend $180 a month on patches (her and my son are on it and having the same problem). 😳

Well let me tell you, this doctor comes back and tell me, that it is too difficult to handle my daughter medications through the phone/email and I’m just going to have to wait (3+weeks) for her FNP to come back and resolve it. 😡

You talking about someone FURIOUS?! I felt like she just washed her hands of her and just left her to suffer for the next several weeks in the meantime!  All she had to say was, “Could you please schedule an appointment so I can better understand the problems, to better help her?”

So we had Vyvanse 20mg that my daughter did not want to try, but out of desperation, she took it anyway. She came home and said she had a great day in school! The only problem, by the time she got to gymnastics, it was 💯 worn off! She was a mess in class, so much so, her coach put her out the gym because she could not focus!

Knowing her PNP is retiring in 2 months anyway, I go on and make the switch to a different office to get her a new provider and seen quicker. They bring us in the next day, everything seems to be cool. I had to explain everything to the medical student, who then relays it to the attending, and she comes back and offer her suggestions. She proposed we change her Vyvanse dose to 30mg. 😳🙄. I kindly remind her the 20mg is perfect. No side effects with desired outcomes, and it’s the afternoon that is the concern and problem. She then suggest leaving Vyvanse at 20mg and adding Adderal 5mg in the evening. (Finally) is what I’m saying in my head. 

So I get the medicine that day to give it to her to se if it’s effective for her afternoon activities. It worked briefly, but would’ve been worn off 2 hours before she was done with gymnastics. I give it the weekend, to see if it improves, and it didn’t. Call the office on Monday to report it’s not working and we are back at square A 😔. After talking to the nurse, who talks to the doctor, who then talks to me, who then talks to the doctor, who then talks to me 🙄, I’m told to wait a week to see if it works 😳.  I asked the nurse to have to doctor call me because, she’s not understanding what I’m saying. My daughter is not safe in gymnastics if she is unable to focus and pay attention. 24 hours later, nothing. 

So I did what we are not supposed to due and gave her 7.5mg in the afternoon ANYWAY, and guess what, IT WORKED. I mean, last I checked, it does not take a week for a stimulant medication to work. While we are playing this “waiting game”, my child is SUFFERING. I wonder if I told her, my daughter’s albuterol isn’t working and she can’t breath, would she tell me to wait a week. Or, the blood pressure pill still had her blood pressure 180/90, would they say wait another week. I mean WHY IS IT OK, that her mental health has to WAIT IT OUT, when there is a FIX?! Especially since the type of medication she takes is not a waiting game type of medication. It’s either going to be effective or not effective IMMEDIATELY. It don’t take a WEEK to figure that out. 

So here it is 6 days later…I’m curious to see how long it takes the doctor to do what should’ve been done on Monday?! 

Please share your stories so I’m not in this boat alone! 

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Flying to Orlando: Must Pack

I will admit, I have not flown to every city in the good ol’ USA.  However, I have flown enough to know, one destination in particular is by far my least favorite.

Orlando.jpeg

IF you are braving the air to this destination, you BETTER pack two essential items:

  1. Headphones
  2. Patience

Anything else you bring along is just extra.  Anything else you could ever want, need, or desire, you can buy when you get there.  However, if you want to make it there with your sanity intact, you better bring the two items above.

Why do I say Orlando is the worst flight? Here it is:

  1. There is a guarantee there will be kids…many kids on this flight, on their way to Disney World etc.  These kids will vary with temperaments from the most docile child to the tantrum throwing brat that you pray doesn’t sit next to you.

 

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I get this face ALL THE TIME with The Duke

 

My family and I just visited Orlando this past week for a baseball tournament.  I haven’t been here in 2 years, and forgot how dreadful this flight can be!

All other kids aside, I’d bet money my son was THE WORST ONE in the air.  I swear I wanted to pretend I was an annoyed passenger in the seat with strangers.  However he blew my cover with Mom. Mom. Mommy. Mom. Mommy….every chance he got!

This less than 2 hour flight feels like pure torture when you have a little one as ornery and active as mine. I genuinely would like to take the opportunity to apologize in advance to every and anyone who has to grace the air with my rambunctious son.  Again, if you see this face waiting to board a plane, check for your headphones, and patience before boarding (YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED).

XanBan

On another note, for parents with a child/ren like mine, here are things I pack to TRY and make the flight as smooth as possible

  • Ipad/Tablet with headphones- make sure you download their favorite shows BEFORE hand!
  • Snacks/Juice box
  • Blanket/Pillow
  • Portable Charger
  • Coloring Books/Crayons
  • The one toy your child simply can’t live without (my son’s is an etch-a-sketch)

In conclusion to my rant, I will leave all those flying with small children with this:  If you can get a late flight…things will be so much smoother, I promise!

After 4 Kids and 15 Years Later, I Finally Have….

PATIENCE!!!!!

My oldest son was scheduled to have a leg lengthening surgery and was at his pre-op appointment.  He was anxious, nervous, asking a ZILLION QUESTIONS, and just being a pure pain in the butt.  After listening to my son and I CALMLY go back and forth, the nurse replied, “You have a lot of patience.”

My prayers had been answered, all the tests I had been given, I finally passed.

Having children early, I feel the biggest hurdle for mom and child is the lack of experience with EVERYTHING, especially rearing a child.

While I was always very mature for my age, looking back at my mommy hood journey, I wish I was more patient.

I knew I didn’t have patience and prayed for it often. Someone once told me, “you are not given patience, but opportunities to practice.” My mom would always tell me to stop worrying about things that won’t “make or break you.”  A little before my mom fell ill did this click!

Everything had to be in order, what they wore, how they looked, if it matched, cleanliness blah blah blah.

While these things are still important, the bar for the standards have been dropped so low, I think it’s just a pole on the floor!

I have 2 group of kids in my home.

The 2 that are old enough to know better, do better, and to an extent provide basic care (hygiene) for themselves.

AND

The 2 that are my responsibility because they are too young to know better.

My oldest 2 have been lectured and taught about what and what not to do with their clothes and body.  My SO and his mother go CRAZY when my kids leave the house with wrinkled clothes, short sleeve shirt (DEAD WINTER), unbrushed hair and teeth, mixed match socks (probably dirty), no coat (just a hoddie despite having several coats), and no hat (despite having several ).  Not only do they do all of this, they give you a “WHAT?” expression on their face when questioned…Wheres’s your coat?..Did you brush your teeth?….Did you comb your hair….etc..etc, as if WE ARE CRAZY!

I just look at them and shake my head. My feathers don’t get ruffled ONE. BIT.

Unless we’re going somewhere important, I could give a RATS BEHIND what those knuckleheads look like.  Anyone that knows me and who opinion matters, KNOW my kids have EVERYTHING they could possibly need, want, AND MORE to be presentable.  So with the latest trends of not wearing a coat but just a hoodie going on, or wearing socks that don’t match, I don’t scream and holler at them. I simply take them somewhere COLD with their hoodie.  While I have my coat, hat, scarf, gloves, and layered outfit…and take my bitter sweet time.

Or somewhere important like the doctor’s office so they’re most likely dirty mix-matched socks can be exposed!  It cracks me up how they try to tuck their feet under the chair as if they’re….WAIT FOR IT…..EMBARRASSED!

My younger two I am responsible for, and unless a grandparent, or a father was in charge that day, they are always presentable.  However, I know the day will come when they too will be taught subtle lessons as mentioned above.  I just wonder what new subtle ways I will have come up with to teach them a lesson.

SAHM..is it a really a job?

I read an article by a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM) that was shared over 11,000.  In brief, she went on to say, she felt it wasn’t a job (as many SAHM claim), but a privilege.  By definition, she is right, it’s not a job. While I didn’t really agree with her tone, choice of words and opinion of SAHM per say, I did understand what she was attempting to say.

This picture is from a WELL NEEDED ME DAY!

I’m not an exclusive SAHM, I do work Saturday and Sunday as a RN 6 days a month.  The rest of the days, I’m manning 4 of my off-spring.  When I am working, and explain to my patients I only work Sat/Sun if they need to reach me…., they always ask, “YOU ONLY WORK 2 DAYS?!” I say, “Yes, I have 4 children, one of which is 1 year old that I stay home with during the week.”

IMMEDIATELY, almost everyone men included say, “OH, no wonder, you already have a full-time job!” My patient population is usually 65 and older, so they know the ins and out of what it takes rearing children.

I agree with them.  What I do Monday-Friday is WAAAAAAAAAAY MORE “WORK” than what I get paid to do on the weekend.  There are days I actually do look forward to going to work to get a “break”, and I like to consider this NORMAL.

However would I classify my role as a mother as a job, I would say no.  For me, a job is not something permeant, its temporary work in which you get paid for.  I like to look at being a mother as my CAREER.

I will have this role for the duration of my life, no matter where I go in life. It will always be with me. It was something I aspired to be, and I spend everyday of my life perfecting it.  It’s rewarding and makes me feel like I have made a positive contribution to society at the end of everyday.

Having the privilege of being the main influence in my children’s lives is an honor everyone is not afforded in life, and for that I am grateful.

However, I always say being a mom is hard work, but striving to be the “Best Mom” you can be is by far the hardest thing I know I will ever do in my life.  There are no manuals for raising kids through all the different developmental stages they go through.  It’s a learn as you go role, with a little bit of advice from here, there, and past experiences.  The more you do it the better you get (if you are striving to be better).

There are days where I wonder, “WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING HAVING FOUR KIDS?!” This is because being a mom you NEVER GET A BREAK mentally, physically or spiritually.  Everyone knows what it feels like to work without having a vacation in a long while, and I’ll  leave it at that.

Then there are moments like now, as I’m typing this, where my baby just comes over grabs my hand from the computer, wrap my arm around him, lay his head on my shoulder, leans over and gives me the biggest, “Mmmmm Muah!” That act of unconditional love takes my breath away.  One moment like this makes every sacrifice worthwhile.

While in any given day I may be a:

1. Waitress
2. Chef
3. Referee
4. Laundry manger
5. Doctor
6. Nurse
7. Butler
8. Cheerleader
9. Hairdresser
10. Wardrobe CEO
11. Personal Shopper
12. Hygiene Management and Inspector
13. Chauffer
14. Coach
15. Sports Practice Partner
16. Teacher
17. School Project CEO
18. Lifeguard
19. Event Planner Specialist (Birthdays, Vacations, Outings)
20. Janitor
21. Mrs. Fix-It
22. Confidant
23. Errand Runner
24. Maid
25. Child Care Provider

I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.  This is a role I chose to take, and I plan to be the best at it.  Despite what others may believe about SAHM or any mom , what we do is Priceless.  Being responsible for a human being who came WITHOUT INSTRUCTIONS, WARNINGS, OR RETURN POLICY, and molding them into a functional productive member of society, is tough stuff.

I don’t know about other mothers but given the choice, I’d rather be the one waking my children up, taking them to school, being the one to pick them up and ask how their day was (while it’s fresh), eat dinner with, help with homework, take to practice, and tuck in at night.  This to me is priceless and before you know it (so my patients tell me), they are grown living on their own.

NO ONE CAN TREAT A CHILD LIKE A MOTHER TREATS HER CHILD. NO ONE. 

Cleaning-UP After 4 Kids is…

I’m convinced that I clean my house just to keep my house from looking like one of those houses off of hoarders!

Everyday, I get up in the mooring and move, pick-up, put-back, re-arrange etc the SAME ITEMS.  Then on the weekends, I’m working and come Monday,  I am now doing this for two missed days.

I literally cleaned the foyer while everyone was going, from having multiple pairs of shoes from 5 people, coats, scarves, hats, book-bags, sports equipment, basketballs, boxes from packages, and whatever misc stuff you can name, it probably was there.  You know these BLEEP HOLES came in 10 minutes later and just kicked off shoes, dropped bags and coats in the floor, and the place darn near looked like it did before I started IN 2 MINUTES FLAT!!!!!

I wanted to throw EVERYTHING in the trash!  To make matters worse, it seems as if EVERY TIME my MIL comes over, it’s on one of my IDGA… days.  I know she thinks I never clean this place!  She however, is so helpful and jumps right in cleaning, cooking, taking care of the Duke.

OR, I’ll clean the bathroom, and guess who ALL OF A SUDDEN NEEDS TO SHAVE??? No problem right? WRONG, when The Hubs shave, he has a terrible habit from childhood, of just leaving HAIR WHERE IT FALLS! His baby sister even has a sensitive spot about the bad habit.

I must mention, in no way am I a clean house SAINT, but I really feel like I could be doing a lot more with my hours that are going to be wasted in minutes.

I so look forward to the day when I clean my house from top to bottom and when I’m DONE, all the rooms preceding the last room I finished are STILL  SOMEWHAT CLEAN.

The simple things in life we look forward to being mothers.

Ever Wish You Weren’t A Mom?

I DO!

There are days, I wonder what the heck was I thinking having 4 kids.  Why didn’t I stop at 2?! Shoot, why did I even start!

Especially when it’s something I want to do, but I can’t because of something I need to do for one of four that takes precedence.

For example: This summer I was suppose to go to Germany, but now The King needs a surgery that will take up the entire summer, so guess what…mom can’t go.

In no way do I regret my kids, or wish I didn’t have them. I’m just human and have moments where I wish it was just me.  I like to believe this is normal, and any mom who never had a moment like this is LYING TO HERSELF!

Days when I clean the house, and turn around and it’s dirty all over again…wish I was kidless.

Times when I wash clothes for 6 and 2 days latter laundry baskets are filled AGAIN…wouldn’t have that problem if it was just me.

Moments when I want to just up and go and not have to worry about what time I need to be done or dragging a baby, diaper bag, and stroller with me.

How about just wanting to come home and relax…not have to worry about dinner, homework, dance, gymnastics, basketball, baseball, school functions etc. etc. etc.

Then I think, “My kids are who made me who I am today, and I am pretty darn proud and blessed.”

I remember going to a patient’s house and she was sitting on her porch just drinking coffee and looking out at her yard.  I asked does she get bored.  Her reply was priceless…

“Nurse, I’m 79 years old, I raised 5 kids, and helped with 13 grandchildren.  I’ve waited a long time to do NOTHING.”

So with that, my inspiration came, one day, God willing, I will be able to do NOTHING.

Why Do Girls Talk SOOO Much??

My home is composed of 3 boys and 1 girl…THANK GOD!

I ALWAYS wanted a daughter, and I had this “vision” of what she would be like.  Well my daughter is EVERYTHING I EVER IMAGINED, and MORE!

 

The “MORE” seems to be the problem.  My daughter’s verbal skills are beyond her years! She was fluent in English holding, FULL CONVERSATIONS by 18 months.  So much so at an eye doctor appointment, the doctor talked to me for an half an hour about how well her language skills were….as if I didn’t know.
See the problem with this, is she’s TOO SMART mentally, and with her mouth.  Theres no pulling the wool over her head, she uses words beyond her years, and she at times even corrects ME, when scolding her.  How you ask?
Example:
The Prince: Mom she keep kicking me!
Me: Keep your hands to yourself! Would you like if I put my hands on you?!

Her: Actually, I never laid a hand on him, I kicked him…that’s my foot not my hand.

ALL THIS FROM A 5 YEAR OLD!!!!

This is a MINOR occurrence of how reckless her mouth can get.  To go along with this mouth, there is a temper.  When things don’t go her way, she’s like a VOLCANO!
She literally EXPLODES and turns into a Tasmanian Devil.  When sent to her room, she will tear her room apart, throwing, breaking, screaming and yelling.  The funniest part about her meltdowns is her rambling.  She holds full fledge conversations with herself about how she don’t understand why she could possibly be being punished.  I really want to record one, for the future when her KARMA BITES HER IN THE….

While I got the tantrums under control.  The things that come out of her mouth are a bit harder to control.  Her brain and mouth moves so fast, I don’t think she truly understands what is coming out of her mouth.  Everyday literally gets worse and worse.  I’m beginning to think I should have a serious bail money stash put to the side.

The worst feedback I get from everyone who has daughters is, “Oh you ain’t seen NOTHING YET!”

PLEASE HAVE PRAY FOR ME AND EVERY MOTHER WITH A DAUGHTER!