Tag: Teenagers

My Biggest Challenge of Motherhood

My Biggest Challenge of Motherhood

threeleadingladies

As a nurse, but most importantly, as a parent, I have never been so frustrated in my life. I have two kids with ADHD who NEED medication to be at their best for school and day to day activities. Managing their healthcare has been one of the most difficult tasks I have faced yet as their mother.  

It truly amazes me, how those responsible for managing their care, treat their condition like it’s a common cold. It has been challenging to say the least, finding a doctor who can just actually LISTEN to what I’m telling them. It’s like I’m speaking to a brick wall. Let me give you the scenario:

Over the summer, my daughter was taking Daytrana. Which worked PERFECTLY in the summer when I could give it to her mid-day.  When school started up, I noticed her becoming more oppositional, not listening, not following directions, and most importantly her grades sliding. After speaking with her teacher, speaking with her, and having a full two days to physically observe her, I realized it was no longer working (duh). Once school started, I had began putting it on at 6:30-45. Four days of the week, her day is over at 8:30pm. Sooooo, that little patch effectiveness was LOOOONG GONE. 

I get this “aha!” moment and send a message, requesting suggestions for managing her ADHD better. I learn her PNP (pediatric nurse practitioner) is away on vacation and they rerouted my messages to one of the pediatricians. She recommended 2 patches a day. After talking to my pharmacy, insurance company and my physical observations of my child, I immediately let her know. I did not agree with this for the following reasons.

1. The patch ISNT WORKING!!

2. My insurance said they won’t cover it. 🙄

3. Even if they did after going through the prior authorization process, I would have to spend $180 a month on patches (her and my son are on it and having the same problem). 😳

Well let me tell you, this doctor comes back and tell me, that it is too difficult to handle my daughter medications through the phone/email and I’m just going to have to wait (3+weeks) for her FNP to come back and resolve it. 😡

You talking about someone FURIOUS?! I felt like she just washed her hands of her and just left her to suffer for the next several weeks in the meantime!  All she had to say was, “Could you please schedule an appointment so I can better understand the problems, to better help her?”

So we had Vyvanse 20mg that my daughter did not want to try, but out of desperation, she took it anyway. She came home and said she had a great day in school! The only problem, by the time she got to gymnastics, it was 💯 worn off! She was a mess in class, so much so, her coach put her out the gym because she could not focus!

Knowing her PNP is retiring in 2 months anyway, I go on and make the switch to a different office to get her a new provider and seen quicker. They bring us in the next day, everything seems to be cool. I had to explain everything to the medical student, who then relays it to the attending, and she comes back and offer her suggestions. She proposed we change her Vyvanse dose to 30mg. 😳🙄. I kindly remind her the 20mg is perfect. No side effects with desired outcomes, and it’s the afternoon that is the concern and problem. She then suggest leaving Vyvanse at 20mg and adding Adderal 5mg in the evening. (Finally) is what I’m saying in my head. 

So I get the medicine that day to give it to her to se if it’s effective for her afternoon activities. It worked briefly, but would’ve been worn off 2 hours before she was done with gymnastics. I give it the weekend, to see if it improves, and it didn’t. Call the office on Monday to report it’s not working and we are back at square A 😔. After talking to the nurse, who talks to the doctor, who then talks to me, who then talks to the doctor, who then talks to me 🙄, I’m told to wait a week to see if it works 😳.  I asked the nurse to have to doctor call me because, she’s not understanding what I’m saying. My daughter is not safe in gymnastics if she is unable to focus and pay attention. 24 hours later, nothing. 

So I did what we are not supposed to due and gave her 7.5mg in the afternoon ANYWAY, and guess what, IT WORKED. I mean, last I checked, it does not take a week for a stimulant medication to work. While we are playing this “waiting game”, my child is SUFFERING. I wonder if I told her, my daughter’s albuterol isn’t working and she can’t breath, would she tell me to wait a week. Or, the blood pressure pill still had her blood pressure 180/90, would they say wait another week. I mean WHY IS IT OK, that her mental health has to WAIT IT OUT, when there is a FIX?! Especially since the type of medication she takes is not a waiting game type of medication. It’s either going to be effective or not effective IMMEDIATELY. It don’t take a WEEK to figure that out. 

So here it is 6 days later…I’m curious to see how long it takes the doctor to do what should’ve been done on Monday?! 

Please share your stories so I’m not in this boat alone! 

The King

threeleadingladies

Javon

This young fellow is the first of my off-spring.  I like to believe he is the reason I am where I am today.  Having him at the tender age of 16 changed my life in ways I never even knew.

Being a teen mom was hard, it was challenging, and it was the hardest test I ever had to take in life thus far.  Everyone in my life told me my life was ruined, and that I wouldn’t amount to anything.  The question was always asked, “What about school, or college? What are you gonna do now?!”

My answer was, “Survive, excel, and continue to be great.”  All that doubt from those who were suppose to be in my corner, was diesel fuel for my stride to success.  I became determined to finish school, go to college, and make something out  of myself, because that little person was depending on me.

My son is my everything, without him I don’t know what path I might have taken.  Without him, I wouldn’t have become an RN at the age of 22, or owned my house at the age of 23.  Without him, I wouldn’t still be striving to be great, because he looks to me the most for guidance on what success entails.

This young man has challenged me in ways I could never explain.  We have been on a rocky roller coaster with his health, his self-esteem, his academics, his work ethic and so on.  There are ups and downs, but we are muddling through them all with grace and dignity.

It’s hard to believe in 1 1/2 years he will be considered an adult.  My baby will be a man.  Until then, he’s just my nerve plucking teenager, who has tempted me to write a book titled “What to expect during the teenage year”.  I swear this is the most important book in parenting, that has yet to be published!

I introduce to you, my King!

 

When Your Teenager Meets FICA and Co.!

threeleadingladies

Last summer, my then 14 year old King, obtained his first job.  To say he was excited was an understatement.

It was hard for him to smile after seeing he was ROBBED!
He had PLANS with his first check.
1. New sneakers
2. Gucci shirt (SERIOUSLY)
3. Couple pair of Abercrombie jeans
4.Take mom out to dinner (Such a mamas boy)
5. Per mom’s request save 20% (gave me the WHAT? face).
If I haven’t mentioned it, my son is a math wizard! As soon as he learned his hourly rate and his hours worked per week, like a calculator, he had his paycheck amount CALCULATED TO THE CENT!
Now let me give a little background.  In 7th grade, my son had an awesome Social Studies teacher who unfortunately had a bunch of kids not willing to learn what he was trying to teach.  I know this because one day I went to school with my son (Here’s the post).
In that class he was attempting to teach them about taxes in the real world.  They had to develop a product, budget, sell it, pay bills, and taxes and see if they made a profit or loss.
No one was really paying attention, and I don’t even believe he went through with the project being a graded assignment.  My son was one of the ones who CLEARLY did not PAY ATTENTION TO THAT LESSON.
Fast forward to working season..the summer.
My King was under the impression he would get paid the Friday in which he started working.
I tried to explain to him that you always work a week in “the whole” and you will end up with a check a week after you’re done working, but you WILL NOT GET PAID YOUR FIRST WEEK.
Needless to say, such and such said he will get paid this week…blah blah…moms wrong…such and such is right.
Friday came, and so did the SAD, ANGRY, DISBELIEF FACE! Yup NO PAYCHECK.
Despite the conversation I HAD WITH HIM…he still couldn’t understand why he didn’t have a check!
“WHATEVER, but I’m not gonna say….TOLD YOU SO!”
Now his actual payday DOES COME, he gets his check, opens it, sees the amount, and is INFURIATED!!!!
MOM!!!! MY CHECK IS WRONG! THEY GAVE MY MONEY TO FICA, MEDICARE AND OTHER PEOPLE!!!! WHO IS FICA AND THESE OTHER PEOPLE GETTING MY MONEY?!?!
I swear I laughed for a whole half an hour!  The funniest part was they took about $25 in taxes from his check.  I told my hubby to tell him how much FICA and Co. takes out of his check a month and his face was priceless.
He now is a firm believer the government is a get over, and people need to get a job and work for their own money so they can stop taking his!
TEENAGERS GOTTA LOVE THEM!!!

ADHD: Living With The Invisible Disability

threeleadingladies

I have been dealing with ADHD for 10 years or so.  What I have come to realize is like most mental health illnesses, I feel since it is not “seen” by the naked eye, people have a hard time understanding and believing it exist.

When I recall the endless amount of phone calls, conferences, and emails sent back and forth with my son’s educators and myself, I seem to always feel like they just don’t get what it is he goes through.
The suggestions I get as to what my son needs to do to be successful are:
“he needs to pay attention”
“he needs to focus”
“he’s needs better organization”
“he needs to follow directions”
“he needs to put in more effort and stop being lazy”
I literally just boil over inside because ummmmm that’s called having ADHD….DUH!
Once in a heated disagreement about my son’s capabilities with one of his teachers, I simply asked her, “Would you tell a blind child’s mom if he took notes off the board like everyone else he would’t fail.” OR a deaf child’s parent, “If she was listening to me during class she would understand what is going on.”
NO….why is that, because you can visually see and put a finger on the fact they need accommodations to learn.  However since my son’s disability is inside the brain, it has to be made up.
ADHD is INVISIBLE but it is REAL.  It is devastating, and soul crushing for those who have to live with it and for those who live with them.
No one wants to struggle or fail in life.  No child want to be a disappointment to themselves or their parents.  No child aspires to be labeled lazy and they don’t care, because they are totally the opposite.  They DO CARE, and they WANT TO BE SUCCESSFUL.  It’s just difficult for them and beyond their control. They need supportive, understanding, nurturing environments and educators who comprehend this.
Imagine how you would feel if everything you touch you lost, everything you attempt with your best effort, you fall short, no matter how hard you try you just can’t stay focused to learn.  All while everyone around you is excelling.  Imagine being an extremely bright and intelligent human being, but not being able to show case it, and being labeled the total opposite.
That is life for a child with ADHD.

Teenagers Turn Into EINSTEIN..Parents=Idiots!

threeleadingladies

When having kids, people make it a point  to give you all the grueling details of what its going to be like having a new baby in the house.  Sleepless nights, dirty diapers, bottle making, expenses, basically your life is now over.

However, what I fail to recall anyone telling me about was teenagers.  I feel current parents purposefully leave this stage of childhood out, because people probably would never procreate!

I can deal with a cute, innocent, babbling baby’s drama, BUT these teenagers…lets just say I’m on the borderline of catching a charge!

I have a 14 year old who is making me question “Why did I have FOUR kids” on a daily basis!

It amazes me how my cute, sweet, dancing little baby, transformed into an angry, mean, know-it-all, “I don’t care”, begging, ungrateful, impossible, self-centered, selfish, lazy….person.

Not only that, I swear my son turned 14 and he instantly became a GENUIS and I, THE DUMMY, IDIOT, MORON, DUNCE…..and the list goes on!

“4 More Years” is my new mantra!  I tell my kids when they graduate from high school, living with me is  NOT AN OPTION! College is their only option if they want my support.  If they choose another route, I am totally for that too, just as long as they realize, THEY CAN NOT LIVE WITH ME!!!!

My oldest has ADHD in the WORST WAY, and to add some sugar and spice and everything nice…ROARING TESTOSTERONE!!!  Let’s just say;

  1. His attitude bites BLEEP
  2. His 8th grade education triumphs my college degreeS
  3. He NEVER I repeat NEVER does ANYTHING WRONG! “What did I do?”
  4. Again, I’m CRAZY, STUPID, MEAN, and I’m sure he’s mumbled..”PAIN IN THE…
With every being in my body, “4 more years” can not come quick enough! He will have the biggest graduation party, and he won’t even realize, that I’m celebrating for me just as much for him.

I know that just because they leave the nest the job of mom is not complete, but at least I will get a break, because I also am painfully aware I have 3 more teenagers to raise!

Thanks for hearing my rant!

Teenagers: Where’s the Manual?!

threeleadingladies

Ever since my child was a toddler, he was always withdrawn, angry, jealous, competitive, and hyper. As I go back and look at pictures and videos, I see a baby versions of what I see in my 14 year old now.

 

As a mother of four, I really feel I finally have a handle on dealing with babies, but once they get into school, and GOD knows middle/high school (teenagers), I feel like I’m dropping the ball.  There are so many programs for parents revolving around the newborn to 5 year old range, however, then what?  There are not ANY guides, manuals, home visiting programs, etc, to aid parents in raising children beyond 5 (at least where I live), unless they are troubled.  It feels like a trial and error system…practice makes perfect I guess.

There are days when, I want to just throw my hands up in the air in failure, and simply count down the days to graduation.  How do something so sweet turn into something so menacing?  Why and how do we become the enemy and the bad guy overnight?  My son and I have been to soooooooooooooooo (yes that many o’s) doctors, therapist, counselors, medication and specialist I’m SICK!  HOWEVER, despite my urge to give in, I don’t and I won’t (I still countdown to graduation as if I’m really going to be free).  I just keep trucking, and trying out the numerous recommendations I get from these doctors and pray for the rainbow when the rain clears!