Author: threeleadingladies

I have so many roles in life, but the most important are my leading roles, and join me as I share my chaos of all three of the leading ladies!

The Other R&R Every Relationship Needs

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My husband, like most men have a one track mind.  Knowing this, there are only A FEW personal errands related to the kids/family I will pass off to him.

This past August, I took the little ones to Disney and he stayed home with the big boys (they did not want to go).  Before I left our conversation regarding school clothes went like this:

Me: I need to exchange Dariyon’s school pants for navy blue, he should have enough until we get back, so I can do it when I get back or do you think you can handle it?

Him: I can do it. (trying to be his helpful self)

Me: Are you SURE??? I can do it when I come back.

Him: No problem, I’ll take care of it.

(I walk away concerned, something will go wrong, because every time he attempts to be helpful in my areas of expertise, something ALWAYS GOES WRONG!)

Fast forward a few days towards the end of our trip, I talk to him and inquire about the ONE TASK, I asked him to do, and  how did it go.  He assured me the task was complete, and a gift card was issued for $86.  So I thought COOL he finally got one right!

NOW I get home and I”m doing inventory and realize my son still needs long sleeve shirts..I go down to his office and ask for the gift card to order his shirts while they’re still on sale.  Here’s the next conversation:

Me: Hey, wheres’ the $86 gift card from Old Navy? I need to get Dariyon some long sleeve shirts

Him: (very nonchalant) I left it in the bag.

Me: (confused) Where is the bag?

Him: (very nonchalant) I gave it to Dariyon.

Me: (annoyed and confused) With the $86 GIFT CARD in the bag?!

Him: (nonchalant) Yup and it was only $30 or so. (never once looking at me eyes glued to his computer screen)

His demeanor the whole time….

Me: First, it was $86 and Why would you put the gift card in the bag and then give it to the TEN YEAR OLD??? (Meanwhile, I go and question the child who of course tells me I DON’T KNOW WHERE IT IS.  I check the room and find the receipt which issued a $86 gift card!)

Me: (goes back to his office PISSED) Soooo Dariyon does not know where the bag is, he believes he threw it away, and HERE IS THE RECEIPT FOR $86.

Him: (nonchalant) Oh. (again never once looking at me eyes GLUED to the computer screen)

I then asked him why didn’t he put the gift card in his wallet, he tells me because he don’t have a spot for a gift card in his wallet.  I asked him would he put cash in a bag and he replies no because I have a spot for cash.

Ok, so now I am ANGRY!!! He then goes into a defensive mode of reminding me that I forget and lose stuff BLAH BLAH BLAH!

To avoid an argument, I walk away…. STEAMING! I then ask myself, “Why do you get so upset with him when he’s only trying to help??” After thinking about that, and thinking about what I needed from him to make that situation go a lot smoother, a light bulb lit up!

He does not offer R&R!  Remorse and Remedy.  When I thought this all through if he would have just acknowledged he did not make the best decisions, apologize and offer a remedy (like my $86 back, or to help look for the gift card), I would have never gotten to such an irate state.

In a relationship, it’s crucial to be able to own up to your shit. If you upset your other half, it’s your responsibility to offer remorse. Acknowledge that you made them feel angry, sad, mad etc. Acknowledge what you may have done wasn’t the best decision if it caused negative feelings. Lastly, offer a remedy. Make your wrong, right, the best way you can. 

Never, get defensive and dismissive of their feelings. Even if you feel they are over reacting or your intent was not to cause their ill feelings. It does not take away from the fact that you did, and they are upset. To move forward you have to validate their feelings and remedy the wrong doing.

I’m happy to report I was able to calmly express this to him (about an hour later after cooling off), and he was receptive and did apologize.  I’m even happier to report I found the gift card in my son’s drawer between the new SKINNY PANTS I had to end up taking back as well (but that’s another story)!

Mixed Chicks Hair Products Review

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Okay, so my children have extremely weird hair textures, and multiple ones I might add!

My last 3 children all have a curly texture hair (don’t know the number and all that stuff), but it varies to very loose curls to tight curls, and kinky in the middle (for all 3 of them).  I’ve tried MULTIPLE hair products on their hair and have fell in LOVE with the Mix Chicks Line.


I highly recommend buying this product directly from the website, because for some reason, it is seriously marked up several dollars in hair/beauty stores.

So when my son hair is not washed and/or conditioned (only when dad is on bath duty), his hair looks horribly dry and coarse.

However, once I use the condition…it like a pure MIRACLE!! His hair has shine, moisture, and most of all, his natural curl comes ALIVE!!!

What I love most about the condition is I NEVER have to comb his hair!  I literally can comb out all kinks and tangles with my fingers! That means, no crying screaming, running 1 year old (SCORE!).

ALSO, this condition makes MY HAIR manageable and easy to comb.  That’s saying ALOT, because I have natural hair, and despite my children have a fine grade of hair….I DON’T!  I once would spend at least an HOUR combing through my hair.  However, NO MORE! One hour is now about 10-15 minutes!

After using the wash out conditioner, I use the leave in conditioner on my son’s hair and it’s like a holding/setting lotion.  It locks all the moisture, shine and keeps his curls coils intact all-day.

If I had to post a con for this line would be fragrance.  I understand it’s the kids version, and it might not apply to the adult line, but it literally has no smell.  I love snuggling with my son and getting a light fragrance from his hair…however this line of hair products you will not.

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Thanks for Reading!

The Shoe Diva

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“How many shoes does one little girl need?!” asked my husband!

That is the question…Let’s find out (in my Tootsie Roll Owl Voice)…Uh 1..Uh 2…ALOT!

Last evening the hubby made note that I buy the princess more shoes than the 3 boys.  Well guess what??? I FREAKING DO, and here’s why!

1. It’s a law woman (and their mini me’s) are to have more shoes than their counterparts.  I have to start her off young understanding the power of a fierce shoe.

2.  I can get her 2 or 3 shoes  for the price of ONE pair of shoes for the older two boys.

Joyfolie has the BEST BOOTS and SHOES!

3. The baby boys REFUSE to wear shoes!  I brought him shoes, and I SWEAR he took them off and HID THEM, because I found them under the couch…he’s only ONE!

See the lack of shoes in tis picture at the PARK?

4. Little girl shoes are so STINKING CUTE, and I can’t refuse! (yes I have a shopping problem as well).

Some of The Princess’s Fall shoes from 2013 (Joyfolie)

5. My daughter is grateful for ANY SHOE that comes through the house….my BOYS, not so much, so I don’t bother!  As I’m typing this I’m wearing a pair of shoes that my prince didn’t want!

I loves this Maci by Joyfolie so much, I brought it 2 years in a row!

With all that being said, fellas please know us women will put you out of a closet for the sake of shoes, and we learn this when we are young.  Therefore BE PREPARED (in my scar voice from Lion King).

Anyone have anything to add?? Check out my diva and her shoe fetish by following us on Instagram @ zizah_the_diva or the Facebook page!

Co-Sleeping Is Fun Until they Turn ONE!

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Co-sleeping is the sweetest thing on earth when you’re breastfeeding in the early months.  Heck, even if you’re bottle feeding, it’s sweet and convenient.  I mean who wants to get out of bed, when you can just reach over???

My pillow taken OVER

Well as these little bundles of cuteness grow, your space in your SPOT in the bed SHRINKS, or cease to exist in my case!

Having my first two children be premies, they never really took to the co-sleeping, cuddling thing.  So when I had my first full-term (technically she was pre-term but didn’t have to go to the NICU), baby be able to stay in the room with me, well I went crazy.

From day one, I didn’t let my princess out of my sight! She slept with my husband and I in our King bed in her own little spot.  I vaguely remember having her on a schedule and sleeping in her crib…but it seems more like a dream.

My daughter is 5 years old, and still can’t understand why she can’t sleep in the bed with us!

NOW I have this one year old who is picking up where she left off, and it’s ALL MY FAULT! I sleep in a body pillow that that I had since pregnancy with my 4th and he has made it his own personal boppy pillow.  Where does that leave me?? On the edge, or couch when I’m desperate for sleep.

If I can offer any advice it would be this DON’T DO IT! Or at least start a routine once they are able to sleep through the night

Why Do Older Siblings Corrupt the Youngings??

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Why do the little ones pick up the absolute WORST HABITS from their siblings?!

As if dealing with it with the first child isn’t enough, it’s like a virus running through the house…for YEARS! Every child following them picks up the trait and makes it their own.

Can’t relate to what I’m talking about??? Well let me give you a few examples:

Exhibit A:  When my boys were smaller, they would take baths and not use soap.  (Guess you can’t call that a bath).  As the princess grew older, I’m sure she has overheard the yelling and screaming associated with them wasting my water!  She would take a bath after their alleged bath, and politely report theres not any soap to wash up with, exposing all those who went before her.  WELL now she’s pulling the SAME OL TRICKS!

Tonight I asked her if she took her bath, and she replied yes, and then I asked did you wash up with soap, and she replies, “Oh, I forgot.” REALLY….YOU FORGOT SOAP!!!  Just amazes me!

Exhibit B:  My boys are messy, dirty, and disgusting (as mother nature intended).  They don’t flush the toilet after number 1 or 2, they leave dirty clothes EVERY AND ANYWHERE, and for some God Forsaken Reason, they mix their clean clothes with the dirty clothes!  My princess was once a very meticulous little girl and dotted her “i” and crossed her “t”.  WELP, NOW, she blends in with the tribe…walks in leave shoes, book bag, lunch box in the Foyer, don’t flush the toilet, dirty clothes in the bathroom after bath time…and the list goes on.

All I can say is, I can’t WAIT TO RETURN THE FAVOR…Vengeance will be mine in my old age! I plan to personally spend 3 months at each one of their homes and mimicking their nasty habits! I actually look forward to it!

5 Rules For Cooking With Kids

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Unbeknownst to my children, I HATE COOKING! However, I love the results, especially when they are helping me.  Never fails when I get in the kitchen, 1 of 4 will ask to help out…the baby even crawls around and hoovers.

I found myself always telling them no because
1. I hate cooking
2. I just want to get it done and over with
3. The mess they are going to make will make me have to do even more cleaning (I despise dishwashing just as much).

After watching one of them walk away with the sad puppy dog look, I said, “Self, all they want is to spend time with you.  Take the time, cherish the time, and be grateful they want to be with you.”
So the next morning I set time aside to cook breakfast with my little ones and guess what??

I LOVED IT!

It was fun being able to incorporate a way for the smaller ones to help me with a task I care nothing for.  It made me laugh, smile, and find joy in something I loathed.  I now take the time to cook with each child at least once a week (it’s also a way to give them one-to-one mommy time).

My 5 Rules for Cooking with Kids

1. Simple Recipes
2. Breakfast is best (you’re at your best and fresh with maximum patience)
3. Have Fun and Be Prepared for a mess
4. Prepare for imperfections
5. Find a way to incorporate all age groups

Breastfeeding: Not Best: It’s an Option.

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DISCLAIMER: This is my thoughts and feelings, and if you do not like them, well, stop reading once you feel offended, and keep your negative opinions to yourself, please and thank you.

FIRST, I’m soooooo sick and tired of all the fuss about public breastfeeding! I’m sick of all the pictures exploiting private moments with babies for publicity, and I’m sick of all the “breast is best” nonsense; “I’ll feed until my baby until he don’t want it any more. ” (Big sigh of relief now that I got that out).

Now do I breast feed? YES (exclusively no formula ever)
Do I breastfeed in public? YES (don’t care who cares or is watching)

The “breast is best” mantra NEEDS TO BE DISCONTINUED.  In MY OPINION, FOOD IS BEST, by any means.  Stop making mothers who are unable to breastfeed for whatever reason, or simply choose not to, feel like less of a mother for their choice.  As long as the child is fed, growing, and thriving let that be the end.  I’ve done both and honestly do not have any miracle differences between the bottle fed kids (2) versus the breast fed kids (2).  I’m happy to report, they are all alive happy thriving, and all see a specialist of some sort for some ailment.

NEXT on my rant is public breast feeding… Once I saw the mom on a stripper pole, at the beach, with her toddler attached to her breast….well I FEEL….it’s really turning into publicity stunts, and no one is going to take this movement serious!  To top it off, people supporting the madness (you rock….aww how cute….that’s awesome…)….no one sees anything DANGEROUSLY WRONG (I don’t know, mom loses grip and well….)with breastfeeding while on a stripper pole??? REALLY???

I agree, that public breastfeeding, should not be an issues in our country in today’s society.  Although, neither should homelessness, unemployment, hunger etcetera.  It’s impossible to change people’s opinions, and exploiting private moments with your child is not the way to bring about change.  In fact, it’s their opinion and they are entitled to it…WELCOME TO AMERICA! As long as you and your child are not PHYSICALLY violated (mean stares, and nasty comments don’t count), WHO CARES WHO STARES??? I simply tell them to cover their eyes if they have a problem.

Breastfeeding is about being in that moment with your child and bonding, a picture or two for memories, I understand, but hundreds on social media, well I FEEL it is just going overboard.  That time with your child is just as private and intimate as the cuddle time you spend with your significant other, and you don’t see people posting those moments over and over again.

Finally (this is it, I promise), this breastfeeding (not breast milk) until 3, 4 and beyond, is just a little overboard too.  I mean what really is the benefit?? YES, I have read the AAP recommendations of “mutually agreed by mother and baby..”  However, there are not ANY BENEFITS listed beyond the first year OR after that statement.  A bunch of literature supporting 6 months to a year and WHY, but not so much after a year. I strongly feel, the parent is more attached than the child after while.  Justifying it with they still want it, it has immunity in it, the child will let me know when he’s done, and with websites still makes it unnecessary.  CUT THE CORD ALREADY!!!! Now, I don’t look down on parents who do this, to each is own.  I FEEL, that it is unnecessary, not wrong, just unnecessary.  My children have until 2, and after that, bye-bye boo-boo.

These are just my thoughts on what I’ve been thinking.

And well like Bugs Bunny would say….That’s all folks!

Whew, I needed to get that off my chest! Thank you.

You Only Get One Mother

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10-10-10 my mother had a cardiac arrest that took her soul away from us.  2-16-14 she her body actually left this earth.  The night before her funeral, I put together a poem using words spoken to me by my mother over the course of my life with her.
YOU ONLY GET ONE MOTHER
You only get one mother,
This is what she would repeatedly say
Cherish me now for another day is never promised, and I’ll be good and gone someday.
You only get one mother,
These five words now so comforting and sincere
She made sure they resonated with me and that I kept them here and here(points to head and heart)
You only get one mother
She drove me crazy telling me this
Although, now I must say she accomplished what she set out to accomplish by preparing me for departure to eternal bliss
You only get one mother
So always do as I say
For when my time comes you’ll have no regrets or debts to repay
You only get one mother
No one will ever love you more than me
I’ll go to the end of this earth to keep you safe from harms way and what you are unable to see
Yes we only get one mother
And my mom made sure this I knew
At one point it annoyed me, but over time, I understood what she was attempting to do
There was nothing my mother could ask of me that I wouldn’t find it in my powers to do
In moments of my attempt of refusal, a little voice would creep through (you only get one mother), and I’d do what she wanted, asked or needed me for that  is what children are suppose to do.
My one and only mother prepared me for ways I could never repay
By reminding me to always respect, honor, and obey her so that I could be at peace when there were no more words left for her to say.
I have no remorse, no unfinished business, not even a heavy heart
For she was good to me, I was good to her, and our love for one another will never depart
So I ask you all today. If yours is still alive, please add this one to your memories
In honor of my beloved mother, always remember, “You Only Get One Mother”
By Lakesheia Williams

In Honor and Loving Memory of My Mother, Patricia Ann Williams

 

Sleepy Wrap vs. Moby Wrap

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To be equipped to deal with my youngest two children in the home and in public, I wear what I call “My Second Bra” a Sleepy Wrap.  I refer to it as my second bra, because it’s strapped to my chest like a bra supporting my dangling child, and I DO NOT LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT (otherwise I’m asking for trouble)!

The SLEEPY WRAP at work!

 

When I first purchased my Sleepy Wrap, (which is now made by Boba) it was out of desperation of having a high maintenance little girl who DEMANDED my attention every second she was awake.

I needed a way to get household tasks accomplished all while keeping her satisfied.  Therefore I looked into a baby carrier….being the anal person I am when purchasing something, I looked up MULTIPLE ones, (back carriers, front carriers, slings, wraps etc.) and decided on a wrap.
The two that made the final cut was the Sleepy Wrap and the Moby Wrap.  After reading several reviews, the Sleepy Wrap was said to be made with better quality material, and felt more secure when holding the baby. So that’s what I decided on.
Let me tell you, I was never happier with my purchase!  It took a few attempts to learn how to secure it to my body, but once I did, my life was completely changed!  I could cook (with her on my back), clean, USE TWO HANDS to do things, and so much more.  I no longer was hemmed up with holding her all day, and feeling so unaccomplished for not getting things done.
I love this wrap because
  1. It’s comfortable
  2. It evenly distributes the weight of the child so one shoulder, or my back is not hurting
  3. It breathes and allows for air to circulate
  4. The quality, stretch and durability of the material is AWESOME
  5. It allows me to keep my baby close and still get things done
So lets fast forward 4 1/2 years, and 2 babies latter…guess who is STILL using the SAME SLEEPY WRAP, and I’m just as satisfied!  After my daughter outgrew the wrap, i gave it to my cousin, and THEN, after her daughter outgrew it she gave it back to me, and it’s like it never left my care.
Despite multiple use, washes, owners and years, this wrap has held it’s value and purpose in my life.  I had a friend come over who purchased the Moby Wrap, and she AND HER HUSBAND, were impressed with the quality of the material and the fact that it was almost 5 years old.  Needless to say, they returned their Moby Wrap to purchase a sleepy wrap.

While I mentioned this wrap is now being called Boba, you can still purchase the original at Amazon.com  I promise you will not be disappointed with your purchase!

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Thanks for Reading!

Childhood Memories

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As I watch my children interact daily and do simple things like eat cereal, do homework, play outside, I find myself reminiscing on my childhood.  In comparing the two, it just amazed me how “little things”, that meant a great deal to me as a kid, is extinct in my children’s childhood.

I’m going to take you down my childhood memory lane….

  • Ladies, remember being in the house and hearing those ropes hit the ground from a distance (tick, tack, tick, tack), and without even looking, you knew double dutch was being played.  Then you hear the famous..”Teddy bear, teddy bear turn around..
  • Who remembers catching lightening bugs and putting them in a jar to watch them light up?  I can’t even remember the last time I saw a lightening bug!
  • I know you remember fighting with your brother or sister over who’s going to get the prize from the cereal box!  Now you have to enter a code from the box online…blah blah blah
  • If you read my other blog post streetlights  then you already about what I’m talking about!
  • OH, for a WHILE, I kept buying my oldest son “BOOK COVERS” for his books, but after a couple years of them just lying around I got the hint!
  • To piggyback on number 5, how about having your back CAVE IN from having a book bag packed with books??? (My son has ONE book he brings home!).
  • PLAYGROUNDS???? They did NOT EXIST, we MADE UP games to play, or played TAG, KICKBALL, RACED!!!! 
  • I remember the boys big thing was FLIPPING! Flipping off and out of anything raised off the ground..trees, roofs, old mattress sidewalks and the list goes.
Coming up with this list was oh so bitter sweet….my boyfriend and I was up on the phone to 3 in the morning (he was traveling for work) reminiscing about these memories from our childhood.
Oh how time changes….I wondering what will be extinct from the next generation’s childhood, and how modernization will take over from living the “Simple Life”.
Please share if you have any other memories…