Author: threeleadingladies

I have so many roles in life, but the most important are my leading roles, and join me as I share my chaos of all three of the leading ladies!

Who Remember the Streetlights as Their Curfew?

threeleadingladies

As I was driving through the neighborhood coming from gymnastics with my daughter the other night, I saw some kids outside playing in the street and it was practically dark outside.

As I got closer, I realized one of those kids was my Prince, and initially I waved.  A few more rolls down the street, it hit me.  It was darn near dark, the streetlights were on, and his behind was still outside!

I hit those brakes ,rolled the window down and he got the “old-fashioned” get your butt in the house speech!

I remember growing up and there was no set time for me to be in the house.  My curfew depended on the almighty streetlight!  If my butt was not in the house before the streetlights came on, well lets just say I would get the PSA, of my mom yelling my government name out the window and taking that walk of shame into the house from embarrassment!

“LAKESHEIA TARNISE WILLIAMS!!! YOU DON’T SEE THESE STREET LIGHTS ON??? IF YOU DON’T GET YOUR BUTT IN THIS HOUSE RIGHT NOW, I’M GONNA COME OUT THERE AND GET YOU!” (that’s my mom yelling at me)

Once this was announced, everyone stopped, looked at you, and bid there farewells before their mom put them on blast next!

I keep telling my kids, going outside was the Xbox, Playstation, Computer.  Taking away our fresh air and time to run amuck with our friends outside was the ultimate punishment.

It felt good to pass that tradition down to my son in this day and age of technology.  I’m glad he’s outside playing, interacting with other children, and getting exercise in lieu of being sedentary in front of a screen.

Why I Went To School With My 14 Year Old Son

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Here in my state, parents are able to go online and check their child’s grades in a system called Home Access Center (HAC).  WHEN (key word) the teachers are compliant, it’s a very good tool to stay on top of your child grades.

His face when I told him we’re going back to 8th grade with him
WHELP, my son seems to think he’s smarter than technology! I really don’t understand his rationale behind failing a test and “hiding, losing or destroying” it, as if the grade in the HAC will magically, disappear!  On top of it all, we spend HOURS, I repeat HOURS doing homework and he has SEVERAL ZEROS for not turning it in!  
So next comes trial before jury (ME, I’m the jury).
Me: Javon, why do you have 5 zeros in HAC and the marking period just started?? It hasn’t even been  
       5 days in the marking period?
Javon: (About a 5 minute thinking session)
Me: Hello! It’s not rocket science answer the question
Javon:  Umm, Uhhh, (another long thought process) I didn’t know I had to turn that in!
Me: Really!!!  What about the zero for not filling out your agenda?
Javon: Mine was filled out, except for one thing and my teacher just GAVE me a zero. 
Me: Oh, okay so it seems these teacher are just not communicating with you and it’s causing you to FAIL.  To help you solve this problem, Damon will be attending school with you for the day!
Well, I let you guess what reaction we got from a 14 year old!  DRAMA, WHINING, and DISBELIEF!
See what my son fails to realize is, I will go to the end of the earth to make sure he is successful in school. Then, what he NEED TO KNOW (in my mother’s voice) is I’m not ABOVE EMBARRASSMENT.

First, let me make it clear, the goal was not to embarrass him, but I would be lying if I said it didn’t bring a smile to face knowing it would.  The goal of the visit was to genuinely get a visual of what’s going on and how we can better help him, when our eyes are not on him.

So did his step-dad spend the day with him in school YES!
Was he utterly pissed off and embarrassed? YES!
Has his grades since improved? YES!

CAN I DO THIS???? YES I CAN AND DID!

His grades before and AFTER the visit!

Oh, I told him if I have to go down there, I’m wearing rollers, scarf, housecoat, busted slippers, and no make-up!

HE CAN TRY ME IF HE WANTS TO!

Teenagers Turn Into EINSTEIN..Parents=Idiots!

threeleadingladies

When having kids, people make it a point  to give you all the grueling details of what its going to be like having a new baby in the house.  Sleepless nights, dirty diapers, bottle making, expenses, basically your life is now over.

However, what I fail to recall anyone telling me about was teenagers.  I feel current parents purposefully leave this stage of childhood out, because people probably would never procreate!

I can deal with a cute, innocent, babbling baby’s drama, BUT these teenagers…lets just say I’m on the borderline of catching a charge!

I have a 14 year old who is making me question “Why did I have FOUR kids” on a daily basis!

It amazes me how my cute, sweet, dancing little baby, transformed into an angry, mean, know-it-all, “I don’t care”, begging, ungrateful, impossible, self-centered, selfish, lazy….person.

Not only that, I swear my son turned 14 and he instantly became a GENUIS and I, THE DUMMY, IDIOT, MORON, DUNCE…..and the list goes on!

“4 More Years” is my new mantra!  I tell my kids when they graduate from high school, living with me is  NOT AN OPTION! College is their only option if they want my support.  If they choose another route, I am totally for that too, just as long as they realize, THEY CAN NOT LIVE WITH ME!!!!

My oldest has ADHD in the WORST WAY, and to add some sugar and spice and everything nice…ROARING TESTOSTERONE!!!  Let’s just say;

  1. His attitude bites BLEEP
  2. His 8th grade education triumphs my college degreeS
  3. He NEVER I repeat NEVER does ANYTHING WRONG! “What did I do?”
  4. Again, I’m CRAZY, STUPID, MEAN, and I’m sure he’s mumbled..”PAIN IN THE…
With every being in my body, “4 more years” can not come quick enough! He will have the biggest graduation party, and he won’t even realize, that I’m celebrating for me just as much for him.

I know that just because they leave the nest the job of mom is not complete, but at least I will get a break, because I also am painfully aware I have 3 more teenagers to raise!

Thanks for hearing my rant!

The Lost "Middle" Child

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My prince is what I feel is my “lost” child.  He is such a good boy, (as long as food is not involved), that I strongly feel I overlook him.  It’s like he flies under the radar.  My oldest son literally SUCKS EVERYTHING I have to offer four children leaving crumbs for his siblings to fight over.

My Prince

Having this epiphany, I must say I have tried to do more things with just him.  Shine the light on him, and reward him for being the “good lost” child.

It just kills me to see this, and have very little control over it due to the demands of my oldest.  I feel like he’s being sacrificed.  To make matters worse, I’m horrible with the things he find interesting, but I’ve been doing my best to engage and show interest.

There are times where I see this look of looniness in his eyes, and I feel helpless and at fault.  I wonder are my efforts and realization too late?  What could I have done differently to avoid this?

All I can do is hope and pray that I fill his void.

Has anyone else ever felt this way or noticed this?

Please share and comment!

My Baby Has Food Allergies at 4 MONTHS!

threeleadingladies

While this is not a new experience for me, it is a frustrating one.  Since my baby boy was little, I was concerned if he was having a reaction to the string cheese I could not stop eating  postpartum.  However, the craving went, and the concern went with it.

Then 4 months came and the new milestone of introducing foods was here.  My Duke’s bedtime schedule is eat, bath, play, bed.  Once we got to bath, I noticed on several occasions from his neck on down, he would be RED, itching, crying, and sometimes have whelps on him!  So I of course stopped the foods causing the reaction (EVERYTHING) and mentioned it at the next well-baby visit.

The Nurse Practitioner who I absolutely LOVE, recommended going to home-made organic baby foods……well that did NOT go over well with the Duke or ME! He did not like the flavors, and still continued to break out, and I did NOT like the process!

Next we went to the allergist, who I was NOT to fond of either.  Against my better judgement, I saw a different doctor than the one who treats my princess. After a bunch of questions,  the doctor concluded his allergy had to be from my diet alone, and tested him for soy, milk, egg, wheat, nuts etc.  The results concluded….

HE’S ALLERGIC!!!!
Well here was the doctor’s treatment plan
  • Mom avoid EVERYTHING with eggs and milk or
  • STOP BREASTFEEDING and give him formula
  • Follow up in 6 months
I was looking at him like 0_o, “did he say stop breastfeeding???”  Yes, I understand he has to give me the options, but he made it seem like it was just that easy.  Try telling my son no more “boo-boos”!  
I’m very grateful I’ve been through this with my daughter and know how to treat outbreaks, because he offered NONE!

Teenagers: Where’s the Manual?!

threeleadingladies

Ever since my child was a toddler, he was always withdrawn, angry, jealous, competitive, and hyper. As I go back and look at pictures and videos, I see a baby versions of what I see in my 14 year old now.

 

As a mother of four, I really feel I finally have a handle on dealing with babies, but once they get into school, and GOD knows middle/high school (teenagers), I feel like I’m dropping the ball.  There are so many programs for parents revolving around the newborn to 5 year old range, however, then what?  There are not ANY guides, manuals, home visiting programs, etc, to aid parents in raising children beyond 5 (at least where I live), unless they are troubled.  It feels like a trial and error system…practice makes perfect I guess.

There are days when, I want to just throw my hands up in the air in failure, and simply count down the days to graduation.  How do something so sweet turn into something so menacing?  Why and how do we become the enemy and the bad guy overnight?  My son and I have been to soooooooooooooooo (yes that many o’s) doctors, therapist, counselors, medication and specialist I’m SICK!  HOWEVER, despite my urge to give in, I don’t and I won’t (I still countdown to graduation as if I’m really going to be free).  I just keep trucking, and trying out the numerous recommendations I get from these doctors and pray for the rainbow when the rain clears!

Must Haves For Moms On The Go!

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Having 4 kids, and ALWAYS on the go, I sometimes literally have to dash out the door at a moments notice! With an infant, this can prove very difficult.  However, I think I finally have mastered the task!!!!

First, my son’s diaper bag, almost NEVER leave my car unless it needs to be restocked. I like the “book-bag” style bags, because I can sling it on my back and carry my baby in his wrap at the same time.  They also are not so obvious that it’s a diaper bag, and day can use it too.
diaper-bag
Second, I have the Bundle Me in his carseat which eliminates the need for having to take time to put a coat/snowsuit (which can prove to be very time consuming).

bundle-me

Lastly, my zip and go outfit!  I absolutely LOVE the one piece sweatsuit outfits for baby!  First my son HATES to wear clothes, so he usually has on a onesie in the house.  This past week he was sick, and I had to beg, plead and barter with his pediatrician’s office to give me a sick appointment versus going to the emergency department.  Well they did, but I had 30 minutes to get him there, and the office is 20 minutes away and I was blocks away from home and baby!

 

Guess who made it on the DOT??? Me, and I like to thank my 3 steps, especially the outfit, for getting me there.  The other plus to this outfit, is when you’re at the doctor’s office. They make you take everything off baby, and with only a zip outfit and a onesie, I was following the nurse out the room, instead of her waiting for me to undress baby.  She (who was pregnant) was impressed!

As I was writing this post, I was inspired to do the same for the princess who takes FOREVER and a day to get dressed after gymnastics. (Drumroll)….Well I found the solution from Gap Kids that will work all season (see pic below)!  For spring/summer you can wear a denim jacket with flip flops, crocs or moccasins.  Winter/fall throw some Uggs and a hoodie on! YES!!! She can test my patience now if she want to in that stinky, sweaty, feet smelling gymnastics gym!  “You have 2 minutes to get dressed or I’m leaving!” (That’s the speech she’s going to get from now on!)

 

Do You Know Your Baby’s “Baby Cues”?

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This post was inspired by a family friend.  Recently, my cousin called me to see if I had any spare formula.  Since I received multiple samples in the mail, and I nurse, I was like, “Sure, why?” She told me her wife’s daughter’s baby keep running out of formula.

The nurse in me couldn’t help herself, and began investigating asking a zillion questions…”Don’t she get WIC?” “How much is she feeding the baby?” “Does he throw up a lot?”  She informed me the baby does get WIC, the baby eats all the time, as much as two 8 ounce bottles back to back, and he does throw up a lot.  Immediately, I told her, “OMG, she is soooooooo overfeeding that baby!”

Well according to my cousin, the mom, my great aunt, and my cousin’s wife, I was CRAZY! The baby eats it, so he must be hungry.  I, the nurse, certified NCAST feeding nurse, maternal-child nurse know nothing, and they know everything!  Just an update, this baby is currently over 20 POUNDS, 4 MONTHS OLD! (I rest my case).

The Princess as a Baby (Baby Buddah)

I do want to point out that overfeeding is more common in bottle-fed babies because the milk is free-flowing and it takes less effort.  Also, even when baby is finished eating, a parent has the ability to offer more formula even if it’s not needed or wanted.  Here is where a parent needs to pay attention to baby cues for hunger and satiation.

So here are so clues to know if your baby is GENUINELY HUNGRY

Early Cues

  • Opening closing mouth
  • Sucking on fingers or clothes
  • Smacking mouth or licking lips
Active Cues
  • Rooting
  • Attempting to get in nursing position
  • Squirming Fidgeting
  • Fussy
  • Breathing fast
Late Cues
  • Crying
  • Frantic rooting, turning head side to side
Typically  your baby needs to exhibit 3 or more of these Hunger Cues to be considered hungry.  Crying alone does not always equal hungry.  Also, just because the baby sucks the bottle, does not mean he’s hungry.  Sucking is comfort for babies, so many times a baby will take a bottle offered and don’t really want or need it.  That’s where the good ol’ pacifier comes in handy.
Here are signs of offering more than baby needs or wants.
  • Throwing up a lot after feedings- while some babies have reflux, sometimes babies throw up a lot due to overfeeding
  • Refusing bottle- some babies will turn their head away from the bottle or push it out
  • Wasting Bottle- while the baby may take the bottle, usually they won’t drink it all, they end up wasting more than they eat
  • Relaxed body- when a baby is full their body will be totally relaxed with arms and legs extended.

Medicated Labor

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My first post was about all-natural labor, and this one will be about my experience with having an epidural for labor and delivery.

While I have experienced a NATURAL LABOR, I will be the first to say, “IT HURT”.  There is no sugar coating what a women experiences to bring a new life into this world.  With that being said, John Bonica is my hero! Who is he you ask? The man who developed the almighty EPIDURAL!

The epidural is a procedure done where pain medicine is infused into the space around the dura matter of the spine.  In a nutshell, you don’t feel any pain below the waist, during labor (when done correctly)

I had 3 epidurals, and all of them were relatively the same.

  • First thing to remember is you have to be EXTREMELY STILL during the insertion.  If not, you run the risk of getting paralyzed (rarely happens, but it is a risk).
  • The nurse will help you get into a sitting position on the side of the bed with you leaning forward, kinda like a fetal position.  This helps open the spinal column to get into the spaces.

 

  • The anesthesiologist will clean your back with a cold brown solution called beta dine to reduce the risk of introducing germs for your skin into you spinal cavity.
  • Then they will cover you a paper drape with a hole for where he will insert the needle
  • Next they will use inject you with a numbing agent a few times to help alleviate the pain of the epidural needle.
  • After this they will remind you again to be EXTREMELY STILL, because the needle is on its way in,  If you are in the middle of a contraction, tell them to wait!
  • The effectiveness and ease of insertion will depend on your size, and the experience of the anesthesiologist.
  • Then they will insert the needle, and once it’s into the epidural space, the needle will be removed and a plastic catheter will be left in place.  They will then tape the catheter to  your back to avoid it coming out.
  • Once inserted, you will be placed kinda leaning to one side, A bolus of medicine will be given to get you pain free, then a continuous infusion will run until its time to push
  • Then my friends, if everything went as planned, you will be in Heaven!
Now once the medicine begins to take effect, you will see the mountains of contractions on the monitor and not feel a thing.
Although, when it’s time to push, you may get a sensation or urge to do a number two.  With all of my kids, I never felt pain, just the urge to push or poop (with 2 of them I did poop!)
Now as for the effects on my baby, my oldest two were premies so they were whisked away.  Therefore, I can’t comment on them. My daughter or youngest son did not appear to be affected whatsoever!  Both latched on without a second thought, neither was drowsy (I know this because I did not get an ounce of sleep and they DID NOT LEAVE MY SIDE).
As far as I was concerned, after I delivered, I was in the shower cleaning up, except with my first son.  With him, it took the anesthesia a little longer to wear off.  With my daughter, I had residual pain at the insertion site for months after delivery.  However, it was not so bothersome where I refused an epidural with my last child.
For me, I do not like pain, especially unnecessary pain.  I do not feel like any less of a woman or mother for getting medication and avoiding that nonsense.  For those who want an all natural birth, I salute you, but me, I tip my hat and applaud John Bonica for his development of the all might epidural and accept it with open arms!

Natural Delivery: 6 Ways to Cope

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There are those who want to experience ALL of what labor and delivery has to offer (looks the other way and whistles), and then there are those who want to be pain free and on cloud nine (raises hand like a child in elementary school, oh oh oh me me)!  I have experienced them both and will like to give some encouragement to both sides of the fence.

Natural-Does it hurt? YES.  Can you do it? YES. For me, having a natural birth was not planned, it just happened.  However, I did it, I made it, and it really was not that difficult.  I genuinely understand that everyone has a different level of pain tolerance, so this is MY EXPERIENCE, not to over shadow or under shadow anyone else.

Here’s what got me through NATURAL LABOR…( and what I heard helps 🙂 )

  •  Visual Distractions and Meditation.  I focused on that clock in the room as if my life depended on it.  I watched T.V, and read books. Yes, I still felt the contractions and did stop what I was doing to deal with them, but I immediately refocused on something else (ultrasound picture, picture of favorite vacation etc).’

  • Massage...My mom was was massaging my back throughout contractions, and I would rub my abdomen. I think just the touch of someone that I love and cared about was comforting and distracting.
  •  Words of encouragement.  While massaging my back, my mom continually encouraged me, and insisted I was okay and i could do it, therefore i believed it. I didn’t want to let my mom down so I pushed through.
  • Water Birth.  When I was a Mom-Baby nurse, many of my clients went to The Birthing Center (a place for natural holistic births), and was very impressed with the calming effects of delivering in a warm jacuzzi bath.
  •  Lastly, I need to mention I was in premature labor and was getting Magnesium Sulfate to stop my labor.  Every time I rang the bell to let the nurse know I was in pain, she kept telling me I was okay, the medicine I was getting was stopping the contractions. So I believed her.  I did not get indignant and insistent about them doing something about my pain until I was about to jump out my skin, and at this point..I WAS 10CM DILATED.  So the only thing left was to push.

I can’t comment on the effect it had or didn’t have on my baby, because he was whisked away to the NICU, and I couldn’t even hold him immediately.  I know, I felt great afterwards, was able to shower and walk around immediately. I did not have any residual pain from where the epidural goes.  Nor was I groggy or sleepy.

For me, I had a natural delivery ONCE, out of FOUR, because I did not feel the need to be in an excruciating amount of pain unnecessarily!  I say kuddos to moms who go this route VOLUNTARILY and REPEATEDLY. I sincerely tip my hat off to you.