Author: threeleadingladies

I have so many roles in life, but the most important are my leading roles, and join me as I share my chaos of all three of the leading ladies!

ADHD: Living With The Invisible Disability

threeleadingladies

I have been dealing with ADHD for 10 years or so.  What I have come to realize is like most mental health illnesses, I feel since it is not “seen” by the naked eye, people have a hard time understanding and believing it exist.

When I recall the endless amount of phone calls, conferences, and emails sent back and forth with my son’s educators and myself, I seem to always feel like they just don’t get what it is he goes through.
The suggestions I get as to what my son needs to do to be successful are:
“he needs to pay attention”
“he needs to focus”
“he’s needs better organization”
“he needs to follow directions”
“he needs to put in more effort and stop being lazy”
I literally just boil over inside because ummmmm that’s called having ADHD….DUH!
Once in a heated disagreement about my son’s capabilities with one of his teachers, I simply asked her, “Would you tell a blind child’s mom if he took notes off the board like everyone else he would’t fail.” OR a deaf child’s parent, “If she was listening to me during class she would understand what is going on.”
NO….why is that, because you can visually see and put a finger on the fact they need accommodations to learn.  However since my son’s disability is inside the brain, it has to be made up.
ADHD is INVISIBLE but it is REAL.  It is devastating, and soul crushing for those who have to live with it and for those who live with them.
No one wants to struggle or fail in life.  No child want to be a disappointment to themselves or their parents.  No child aspires to be labeled lazy and they don’t care, because they are totally the opposite.  They DO CARE, and they WANT TO BE SUCCESSFUL.  It’s just difficult for them and beyond their control. They need supportive, understanding, nurturing environments and educators who comprehend this.
Imagine how you would feel if everything you touch you lost, everything you attempt with your best effort, you fall short, no matter how hard you try you just can’t stay focused to learn.  All while everyone around you is excelling.  Imagine being an extremely bright and intelligent human being, but not being able to show case it, and being labeled the total opposite.
That is life for a child with ADHD.

I Have A Dream: The Mom’s Edition

threeleadingladies

A MOTHER’S “I HAVE A DREAM POEM”…In honor of Black History Month and my favorite MLK! ‪#icrackmyselfup

I have a dream, that one day I’m alive to witness my four little children grown with children of their own 
jumping, playing, breaking, terrorizing, and destroying everything they own in a living room of their own.

I have a dream, that one day I can go to my child’s house solely to make a mess and not clean it, drop trash and just leave it, and eat them out of house and home.

I have a dream that one day I can take a pee without a kid busting in midstream to see!

I have a dream that one day the sons of other mother’s and the daughters of other mother’s will one day sit down together at a table of brotherhood…IN HER HOME!

I have a dream today!

I have a dream. That every room I clean shall remain clean, every room they claim they cleaned is truly clean, and every spoon, fork, and knife I own can be accounted for after they’re done.

I have a dream, that one day all mothers and fathers will  be able to sleep in together, walk around the house naked together, eat dinner together knowing that they will be intruder and beggar free!

This is a parent’s hope, this is a parent’s faith, that 18 years or so later,(hopefully sooner), we can sing together in harmony…

Peace and quiet at last, Peace and quiet at last, thank God almighty I have peace and quiet at last…. Temporarily that is.!

Potty Training Failure!

threeleadingladies

My Duke is 18 months now.  He’s very smart, but very stubborn.  This boy does not do ANYTHING until he is GOOD AND READY.

I am partly to blame for his stubbornness, but he gets it honest on both ends.  When I say my son borderlines concern with reaching milestones….it’s an understatement.  He didn’t crawl until he was 9 months, walk until he was 17 months, and he still refuses to talk and eat table food.  Again, he’s 18 MONTHS!  All he wants is his ba-ba (boob), and a snack.

With the exception of my oldest son, my other children were potty trained by 18 months.  NO pull-ups or pampers whatsoever.  My oldest was almost there until a winter stay with his father’s family set him back.

So naturally, I figured baby number 4 must follow suit…..NOT!!!!!!

Knowing he was a little….patient with milestones, I cut him some slack and gave him a few extra months to get started.  My first problem was finding underpants to fit him. My child is a runt! He is so small, he’s not even on the growth chart for his age.

Despite this, I still brought a potty, and the smallest undies and rubber pants I could find.

Guess what he did with the potty….

HE SAT…for about 5 seconds…
THEN he began planning his escape…
Then he felt he could use it as a drum, stool to hit the light (that he still can’t reach), and a pedi spa!
Needless to say, that potty is collecting dust, because one thing I learned about The Duke; he’s NOT doing anything until HE IS READY!
How old was your little when you first started potty training?



Why Do Girls Talk SOOO Much??

threeleadingladies

My home is composed of 3 boys and 1 girl…THANK GOD!

I ALWAYS wanted a daughter, and I had this “vision” of what she would be like.  Well my daughter is EVERYTHING I EVER IMAGINED, and MORE!

 

The “MORE” seems to be the problem.  My daughter’s verbal skills are beyond her years! She was fluent in English holding, FULL CONVERSATIONS by 18 months.  So much so at an eye doctor appointment, the doctor talked to me for an half an hour about how well her language skills were….as if I didn’t know.
See the problem with this, is she’s TOO SMART mentally, and with her mouth.  Theres no pulling the wool over her head, she uses words beyond her years, and she at times even corrects ME, when scolding her.  How you ask?
Example:
The Prince: Mom she keep kicking me!
Me: Keep your hands to yourself! Would you like if I put my hands on you?!

Her: Actually, I never laid a hand on him, I kicked him…that’s my foot not my hand.

ALL THIS FROM A 5 YEAR OLD!!!!

This is a MINOR occurrence of how reckless her mouth can get.  To go along with this mouth, there is a temper.  When things don’t go her way, she’s like a VOLCANO!
She literally EXPLODES and turns into a Tasmanian Devil.  When sent to her room, she will tear her room apart, throwing, breaking, screaming and yelling.  The funniest part about her meltdowns is her rambling.  She holds full fledge conversations with herself about how she don’t understand why she could possibly be being punished.  I really want to record one, for the future when her KARMA BITES HER IN THE….

While I got the tantrums under control.  The things that come out of her mouth are a bit harder to control.  Her brain and mouth moves so fast, I don’t think she truly understands what is coming out of her mouth.  Everyday literally gets worse and worse.  I’m beginning to think I should have a serious bail money stash put to the side.

The worst feedback I get from everyone who has daughters is, “Oh you ain’t seen NOTHING YET!”

PLEASE HAVE PRAY FOR ME AND EVERY MOTHER WITH A DAUGHTER!

Baby Eczema Remedy

threeleadingladies

My Duke and Princess both have TERRIBLE HORRIBLE NO GOOD VERY BAD SKIN (and allergies)! Ironicially, they are the 2 of 4 out of my litter that I breastfed.  Both of them are allergic to eggs, milk and a host of other environmental substances and animals.

THE DUKE

When winter hits, their skin gets so dry and itchy that it is painful to look at.

It only gets this bad for the baby when he stays overnight with his grandma. I’m not by any means calling her a bad mimi.  She just don’t have the same products at her house for him that I have.  A day without mommy’s remedy can prove detrimental to their skin.

Their skin feels like rough, bumpy sandpaper. My princess develop patches of dry skin behind her knees, in her elbow crease, inner thighs, bum, and back.

THE PRINCESS

The duke gets red itchy patches on his chest, belly, and bum.  The moment his clothes and diaper are removed he goes into a scratching frenzy! Sometimes he looks like he’s been attacked by a cat.

1. When their skin gets to the BAD phase.  My first go-to remedy is Aveeno Oatmeal Bath.  I let them soak in this for at least 30 minutes neck to toe.

 

2. IMMEDIATELY after bathing, I pull out my 3 secret weapons.  Johnson and Johnson Oatmeal Lotion.  This is mainly used for fragrance.  It helps that is has oatmeal in it as well.  However, ultimately I just want my babies to smell like babies.

3. Weapon number 2 is good ole Vaseline. It don’t have to be brand name the generic or dollar store brand works just as well.  This is the sealant of moisture.

4. The last secret weapon is Aveeno Eczema Lotion. This lotion is not cheap, so don’t let your children use it unmonitored.  You can find it at BJ’s or Sams Club for discount.

Depending on the size of you child, you take half and half of the Vaseline and Aveeno lotion and a squirt of the Johnson for smell.  Rub them all together until you have a paste and apply to baby/child entire body and put on nightclothes.  Sometimes I do this twice a day, when their skin is really bad.  A few nights of this, and the eczema will be at bay!
Oh, if you’re child’s eczema is as bad as my children, then you probably will have a prescription of hydrocortisone that you want to ultimately apply before everything else!

Worst Lies Told By My Kids!

threeleadingladies

I get that all kids lie I believe it’s an impulse to spit out the first thing that comes to their little brains to “not get in trouble.”  What’s worse, is the older they get, the lies seem to get worse and worse.

It’s to the point where my kids don’t even get punished for lying, they’re punished for telling such HORRIBLE LIES!  Each and every time we go through the lie lecture, I remind them they’re better off telling the truth because YOUR LIES SUCK!

My 5 year old is more convincing than the older two, it’s times where even she tries to help them avoid more trouble by pointing out the obvious flaws in their stories.

For some humor here are some of my favorite ‘LIES” that I just had to laugh at and walk away.

1. My 10 year old, who has no job, has not earned any chore money, and has been in severe trouble in the past for stealing $50 worth of $1 gold coins for pretzels and water, was at the money laundering scheme again.

I’m in Vegas, my oldest brother stays with him.  During a routine check in call, I ask, “Where are you two?” I was told they were at 7-Eleven, my son was in the store buying something.  I then ask, “Where did he get money from?” My brother is like I don’t know, he said he found it in the floor.

Now a little history, just before we left, I knocked the change sorter in our foyer in the floor (because someone was tampering with it) and it broke.  I told my son to pick up the money put it on the table and throw the dispenser in the trash.

Now I demand to speak to my son, his response to why he’s in the 7-eleven spending like he has a job is, I found the money in my drawer. (BLANK STARE). Now, this is the second time in the past few weeks, I ask him where he get money from with no job, and he decides to use this MAGIC MONEY MAKING DRAWER  story YET AGAIN!  WHY do boys not forward think, why do I have to waste my time explaining to him how his story is not only a lie, but a horrible lie that makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE, NOT EVEN TO HIS 5 YEAR OLD SISTER LISTENING!

Then he goes on to try and defend the freaking lie, and INSIST this is where the money came from!
The 5 year old tells him, “How did it get there? We’re in the same room and I don’t have money in my drawers” (DEAD AND EXITS STAGE LEFT).

My oldest most worst lie revolves around gatorade, and usually its the ten year old who stomach gets him in trouble. Let me give you the background…

My 10 year-old was playing baseball and my oldest decided to opt out.  So I go grocery shopping, and buy a LARGE ASSORTMENT of beverages and gatorades for my youngest for baseball only.  I explain to BOTH OF THEM, the gatorade is only for him for sports and not be be drunk for ANY OTHER REASON.  Immediately after this conversation, I take my youngest to baseball practice, he takes a gatorade with him.  I leave the oldest in the house BY HIMSELF.

Come back home, and my youngest proceeds to report a gatorade is missing.  Now I’m not sure if he is covering his butt, or simply trying to get his brother in trouble, BUT EVERYONE KNOWS who drank the gatorade.

I go and ask my son WHY did you DELIBERATELY AND DEFIANTLY drink the gatorade darn near immediately after you were instructed not to?  His reply was, “I didn’t drink it.” I mean he was insistent, rambling, angry no one believes him and so forth.

Here comes the 5 year old, “Well, you were the only one here so who else did it?”  Again, Exits stage left.  I swear I have a ghost in my house that I need to track down so I can claim on my taxes, because these kids of mine never do anything.  Yet ironically, the 5 year old is just as baffled with these lame excuses as the ADULTS in the house!

The 5 year-old don’t even bother to lie, she just comes clean and takes her punishment on the chin.  She gets upset initially, but realizes she was wrong and is accepting of whatever is to come her way, now she just say, “I’m going to go to my room”.  WHY can’t it be that simple and easy with my boys??

Breastfeeding: My Toddler Only Wants My Milk

threeleadingladies

I love nursing my baby boy aka The Duke.  I had the goal of nursing him to one year and being done with it.

Although, he totally has a different goal than mine.  It appears he has NO PLAN whatsoever to give up his boo-boo ANYTIME SOON.

C

oming for his bounty!

To make matters worse, he rarely eats solid foods, table foods, or drink juice/water.  All he wants is ME!  I’m exhausted and starting to feel like a true cow!

He even looks at me like I’m a piece of meat.  I hold him and he INSTANTLY collapse into a cradle position, pulling my shirt up!  I have to admit that it’s cute watching him learn how to access his food, sometimes even dances after he gets his milk all by himself.  However the cuteness is GONE come night time.

Being groped, and fondled in my sleep by my toddler and not my man is not my idea of a good night. Especially when I’ve been lax with his grooming (nails not clipped).

It’s a great feeling knowing I’m the source of his survival (literally), and rewarding that I’m afforded the opportunity to do so exclusively.  However, I’ve always had the mindset that once they turn one, I’d be done.

With him having so many allergies, I feel compelled to keep nursing him, but I really want my body back.  I can’t go far without him or without having to pump (which I hate), and it’s driving me crazy.  I need my independence, but feel selfish for wanting to cut the cord, when obviously he’s not ready.

I wish there was a way to have the best of both worlds, but I’ll have to suck it up and put my baby boy first.  Being a parent means we come last, one day he won’t want anything to do with me. So I’ll enjoy these moments while they last.

He’s already going impatient of me kissing him!

Rapunzel For A Daughter? Tips To Manage Long Hair

threeleadingladies

At birth, my daughter, had a nice amount of hair, and due to Religious reasons on the 7th day it was ALL CUT OFF.

Shortly after the first cut

For the next year and a half, all I had to do was put a headband in her hair and go! Then one day her hair started to grow, and grow, and grow, until now its at the top of her bum.

Around One

GREAT! Most moms think.  However, when you are the mom who has to manage and style the hair…well, that 7th day haircut making a comeback don’t seem like a bad idea!

About 2 years old

She cries, screams, yells, squirms, twist, turn to the point where I’ll let her go days without her hair being done to avoid the drama.  The irony of it all is, I remember being pure judgmental and in utter disgust when I would see little girls with long hair looking a MESS!  However, now that shoe is on my foot, I would like to apologize for my judgmental ways because I now UNDERSTAND!

Around 3 Years

My daughter has curly hair, and she gets to wear it out maybe once a month just to breath.

After the breather, a good ol fashioned BUN BUN is our best friend!  With “messy buns” being in style, I can get at least 3 days without having to touch her hair.  Then I’d split it into 2 buns! Guess what? Another 3 more days!

All the other days, I braid her hair and leave it in for 2 weeks.  I REFUSE, I repeat REFUSE to get up in the mornings and do her hair! I’d rather shave her bald!  Her braids with beads on the end are my saving grace.  The downfall of my go-to hair do is….IT FREAKING MAKES HER HAIR GROW!!!

4 years

3 Products I highly recommend for those days when I actually have to touch a comb to her head, would be

1. Mixed Chicks hair products (especially the conditioner) are the BEST for making hair tangle FREE after washing and bringing life to natural curls

2. A detangling spray is an absolute MUST HAVE.  Otherwise, it’s like having PB&J without the PB.

3. Wide Tooth Comb is the last key to the puzzle.  The teeth on any other comb would require dentures, because the teeth never last!

Thanks for hearing my Rant and feeling my pain…What do you do to manage your daughter’s hair?

 

5 years Old (Shoot ME)

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ADHD: The Medication Non-Compliance

threeleadingladies

One of my biggest struggles with my son with managing his ADHD is the medication.  I remember a time when I refused to give him medication, mainly because of my denial of him having this condition.

However, once he did start the medication, the changes in him were bitter sweet.  These stimulants turn my son into a successful student, making him capable of everything I know he’s capable of academically.  Although the bitter is his personality.  My talkative, PDA, sports stat rambler, thousand question asker turns into a silent place holder.  It seems as though he’s just “there”.

What’s even worse, is he notices it as well, and struggles with compliance of his medication.  He has this desire to want to be able to “do” everyday task like “normal” people without needing medication. He also wants to be able to be himself.

Due to these wants and desires my son has, the battle of getting him to take his medication has been an up-hill battle from the start.  Initially, it was the side effects of headaches, loss of appetite, insomnia, mood changes, zombie feeling.  Once we tackled these problems and found a medication with minimal side effects, the next up-hill battle became, “I don’t like taking pills.”

To add to the non-compliant issues, his dad too is not compliant and on board with his medication regimen when in his care (on the weekends).  Therefore, this makes everything I’m trying to enforce impossible!

My son has went through all the typical non-complaint med routines.  Pretending to take his meds, the hiding under the tongue routine, the hide it in the hand only to be found in the  pocket, lying about taking the med when CLEARLY he did not, having melt-downs about having to take meds, taking only SOME of the dosage, and the list goes on.

Just recently, his doctor switched him to the Daytrana Patch.  His only comment was, “Why didn’t they give me this a long time ago?” However, guess what? He’s still non-compliant, especially when with dad, still lying about taking his meds.

This struggle with him wanting to be normal and his dad convincing him he is “normal” and don’t need these medicines to be successful, is the thorn in my side.

It’s so frustrating and hurtful in the same breath to see my son struggle when I also see days of his potential.  His first day on his new medicine, it was like a new child was doing homework.  It was legible, I could make sense of it, and it was 90% accurate THE FIRST TIME!  That’s like finding a cure for cancer in my house.

I have him set up to see a new counselor to deal with his underlying depression and hope he can help tackle these issues.  My son told me, “Mom, nothing motivates me to get good grades in school.”  What do you say to that?  I’ll rant about that conversation in my next post.